In light of the recently concluded election, I have been toying with the frivolous dreams of being the Prime Minister of SIngapore. I, in reality would be a shitty politician not because I would be corrupt, but because the laws that I would implement would be rubbish and self-important. So peaches, if (let's just humour me now for a bit) I get to become the Prime Minister of this Republic, here are the 25 laws that I would amend and implement:
1) Corporal punishment for anyone caught in public with an offensive body odour. Create 20,000 new jobs for "BOPs" aka "Body Odour Police". 1st offense: $100, 2nd offense: $250, 3rd offense: 2 weeks imprisonment or $5000 bail.
2) With immediate effect, deport half of the Filipinos, half of the PRCs, a quarter Myanmarese, a quarter Indians, a quarter Thais and a quarter white-skinned expatriates. We keep the Banglas.
3) Do away with the ERP system. Money generated from Body Odour Programme would be more than enough to substitute the losses.
4) Every new immigrant/foreign worker must sit through (and fucking pass) Primary 6 level English or they can forget it.
5) Abolish 377A. Make gay marriages legal and extend it worldwide. Be the first Asia Pacific country to do so. Gay bridal registry would single handedly sustain the economy.
6) By Secondary One, students are allowed to major in subjects that they like and follow meritocracy to a T. Math, Science is not a compulsory module.
7) National Service is reduced to only 15 months. Serve so long in the army for what?
8) Only native Singaporeans can be a Singapore Airlines Cabin Crew.
9) Euthanize Minister Mentor.
10) Okay lah can have chewing gum. But as usual, you throw anyhow, fine.
11) Death penalty for rapists.
12) Fine Starhub, Singtel and M1 $60 Million each, so they REALLY feel the pinch and fucking install 300000 new satellites if they have to.
13) Corporal punishment...even for underaged teenage offenders. If you're old enough to riot, you're old enough to get caned.
14) Bring A&W back.
15) Build flats in Pulau Tekong and our neighbouring Singapore owned islands.
16) Abolish MDA and its homophobic, narrow-minded, self-respecting excuse of an agenda.
17) It is mandatory for every establishment that plays Christmas and Chinese New Year songs to also play Hari Raya and Deepavali jingles.
18) Disneyland Singapore motherfuckers.
19) Change our SMRT to bullet trains.
20) Do away with the different political parties. We all live under democracy. And such a small country want to have a lot of political parties for what?
21) No need to seek permission from Police to talk at Speaker's Corner. Want to talk? Talk until your saliva dry also can. Go, go, First world country what, have freedom of speech.
22) Anybody caught in public using/wearing fake branded goods would be fined. We need to inculcate a "classy" way of living.
23) We will still collect 7% GST but the government would only absorb 5%. The remaining 2% would be distributed evenly to various charities and for research work.
24) Malays CAN serve the army as a Commando and be in the Air Force, artillery etc. Bring your "Malayan Loyalty Paranoia" elsewhere.
25) Keep me as PM for at least another day.
Monday, January 28, 2013
Lightning And Hammers
One of the best advice that my mum have imparted to me is, "Don't try to talk about things that you don't know of or you will end up sounding like a goddamn fool." Yes, my mum used the word "goddamn" even when giving advice. So you know where I picked up my foul language from; at home.
But there is a great amount of truth in that piece of advice. People nowadays talk way too much about things that they know little or nothing of. Fools, fools everywhere. And that is the reason why I never talk about religion, politics or righteousness.
I am far from being a social or political commentariat but what happened two days ago was so politically incorrect that I just had to share. A couple of days ago was the by-election for Punggol East GRC and Melanie, bless her soul had to cast her votes because she lives in the constituency. So after casting her votes in the afternoon, she met us for dinner afterwards.
"So who did you vote for?" Steve asked excitedly.
"I don't know. I just crossed on a random box," Melanie answered nonchalantly, eyes skimming the menu.
"You don't know who you voted for?" Steve asked, slightly shocked.
"Oh, the one with the hammer logo?" Melanie answered, slightly disinterested.
"You mean the Workers Party?" Steve asked again.
"Is that what they're called?" Melanie replied.
Steve shook his head.
"What?" Melanie said, completely lost.
"You don't know your parties and ministers? The one who is deciding on your living conditions in this country?" Steve asked.
"Honestly, I don't give a shit," Melanie shrugged.
"Why not? A citizen must be fully active and be up to date with the political scene of his or her own country!" Steve explained. He sounded like a Grassroot leader.
Star scrunched up her face and went back to reading her menu.
"Oh please, there is no "political scene" in Singapore. Nepotism and a rambling senile old man does not make a "political scene"," Melanie rolled her eyes.
"That's not entirely fair, he single handedly made Singapore what it is now," Steve rebutted.
"Singaporeans make Singapore what it is now. It is our very own hardwork, our toils and middle class dreams that made this country what it is today. So do not discount our efforts and our forefathers for the past sixty years with the success story of one man, who if I may add, would be nothing without these very hands," Melanie said.
The whole table went silent.
"The scallops sounds good, no?" Star finally voiced out, trying to mediate the growing tension on the table.
"But still, you shouldn't take the voting process without any sense of importance whatsoever," Steve sternly said.
"Oh whatever Steve. Our political system is so backwards I don't even give a shit. Our laws are still from the British colonial rule and there is no openness about their way of thinking so really who cares?" Melanie rolled her eyes again.
Steve rubbed his temples, clearly having a hard time digesting all of these.
"Let alone marry, you cannot even sleep with the man that you love Steve. They treat us like criminals and you want to talk about taking them seriously? You cannot even see any gay rights improving in your lifetime Steve, let's face it. So who gives a flying fuck as to whether I chose a lightning over a hammer? Just cross lah! If they increase transport fare, I walk to work lor," Melanie said.
"Or hitch a ride in one of your customer's Jaguar," Steve replied snakily.
"Look at my face Steve. I am giving you a I-don't-give-a-fuck-to-what-you-say face," Melanie stared blankly at Steve.
I chuckled. Steve hit my left arm with the menu.
"Oh guys, Worker's Party won! This just in," Star suddenly said, looking up from her phone.
"And with that, my life totally...remains unchanged," Melanie said, sipping her iced water.
But there is a great amount of truth in that piece of advice. People nowadays talk way too much about things that they know little or nothing of. Fools, fools everywhere. And that is the reason why I never talk about religion, politics or righteousness.
I am far from being a social or political commentariat but what happened two days ago was so politically incorrect that I just had to share. A couple of days ago was the by-election for Punggol East GRC and Melanie, bless her soul had to cast her votes because she lives in the constituency. So after casting her votes in the afternoon, she met us for dinner afterwards.
"So who did you vote for?" Steve asked excitedly.
"I don't know. I just crossed on a random box," Melanie answered nonchalantly, eyes skimming the menu.
"You don't know who you voted for?" Steve asked, slightly shocked.
"Oh, the one with the hammer logo?" Melanie answered, slightly disinterested.
"You mean the Workers Party?" Steve asked again.
"Is that what they're called?" Melanie replied.
Steve shook his head.
"What?" Melanie said, completely lost.
"You don't know your parties and ministers? The one who is deciding on your living conditions in this country?" Steve asked.
"Honestly, I don't give a shit," Melanie shrugged.
"Why not? A citizen must be fully active and be up to date with the political scene of his or her own country!" Steve explained. He sounded like a Grassroot leader.
Star scrunched up her face and went back to reading her menu.
"Oh please, there is no "political scene" in Singapore. Nepotism and a rambling senile old man does not make a "political scene"," Melanie rolled her eyes.
"That's not entirely fair, he single handedly made Singapore what it is now," Steve rebutted.
"Singaporeans make Singapore what it is now. It is our very own hardwork, our toils and middle class dreams that made this country what it is today. So do not discount our efforts and our forefathers for the past sixty years with the success story of one man, who if I may add, would be nothing without these very hands," Melanie said.
The whole table went silent.
"The scallops sounds good, no?" Star finally voiced out, trying to mediate the growing tension on the table.
"But still, you shouldn't take the voting process without any sense of importance whatsoever," Steve sternly said.
"Oh whatever Steve. Our political system is so backwards I don't even give a shit. Our laws are still from the British colonial rule and there is no openness about their way of thinking so really who cares?" Melanie rolled her eyes again.
Steve rubbed his temples, clearly having a hard time digesting all of these.
"Let alone marry, you cannot even sleep with the man that you love Steve. They treat us like criminals and you want to talk about taking them seriously? You cannot even see any gay rights improving in your lifetime Steve, let's face it. So who gives a flying fuck as to whether I chose a lightning over a hammer? Just cross lah! If they increase transport fare, I walk to work lor," Melanie said.
"Or hitch a ride in one of your customer's Jaguar," Steve replied snakily.
"Look at my face Steve. I am giving you a I-don't-give-a-fuck-to-what-you-say face," Melanie stared blankly at Steve.
I chuckled. Steve hit my left arm with the menu.
"Oh guys, Worker's Party won! This just in," Star suddenly said, looking up from her phone.
"And with that, my life totally...remains unchanged," Melanie said, sipping her iced water.
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
25 Things You Don't Want Your Pilot To Say On The Plane
And I sure as hell hope and pray to the heavens above that none of you peaches will get to listen to any of these in your lifetime of jet setting experiences.
1. Shit, we are not going to survive this turbulence.
2. The journey to Milan wold take approximately 14 hours. As part of your in flight entertainment, we are going to play all Justin Bieber songs to keep you company till we reach our destination.
3. How many of you in this plane knows how to actually fly one?
4. You guys have watches Snakes On A Plane before? Well...urm, how do I put this? There ARE snakes on the plane right now as we are speaking.
5. Could someone get the two lovebirds fucking the crap out of each other in the toilet out from there thank you. It's literally shaking the entire aircraft.
6. Dear passengers, there is an unknown man holding a gun and a scarf over his head right now in the cockpit with me and he says this plane is heading to paradise.
7. Uh...yeah...just like that Phil. Suck it just like that. Ooooh, yeah, who's your daddy huh?
8. Paging for the crew manager. Your pilot is suffering from a heart attack right now as we speak and I think I am getting one myself...
9. Phil are we lost? Did we follow the correct route? Why is this not on automatic? Why are we flying over the Pacific Ocean?
10. Is that a bird. another plane or is that a...fuck.
11. (*slurring) I hope you guys are having a party at the back there because we sure are having on right in front here woohoo!
12. If anybody on the plane finds a cock-ring, please pass it to one of the crew members and have it returned to me, thanks.
13. We're going down bitches, we're going down hard.
14. Lisa can you and the rest of the crew do another safety brief and demonstration to the passengers because we might need to exercise it out in about ten minutes.
15. You could have told me we were heading to Dublin like seven hours ago! What?! Bangkok?!
16. I bet you five hundred bucks I can make this motherfucker make a 360 degrees turn, Top Gun style. In?
17. There is a lady in white here in the cockpit who claims that she died in an air crash seven years ago and drowned in the waters below and if you guys are doing this a joke, I am not amused.
18. Shit Phil, we ran out of lube. Lisa! You're needed in here and bring some lube along with you!
19. Are you passengers feeling lucky today? Because today we are going to fly over the Bermuda triangle!
20. If I'm going down, I am taking everybody with me.
21. I hate to say this but can someone tranquilize the baby that's been wailing non stop for the past hour and a half?
22. And the lady in white says that if she doesn't get to meet her parents today, we are all fucked.
23. Who is the motherfucker who is still playing with their phone after I have told you many, many times to switch the damn thing off?
24. What are the chances of survival if this plane crashes into the plains of Africa below?
25. Anybody who can sing me the best karaoke version of Leaving On A Jetplane gets to sleep with me when we land!
1. Shit, we are not going to survive this turbulence.
2. The journey to Milan wold take approximately 14 hours. As part of your in flight entertainment, we are going to play all Justin Bieber songs to keep you company till we reach our destination.
3. How many of you in this plane knows how to actually fly one?
4. You guys have watches Snakes On A Plane before? Well...urm, how do I put this? There ARE snakes on the plane right now as we are speaking.
5. Could someone get the two lovebirds fucking the crap out of each other in the toilet out from there thank you. It's literally shaking the entire aircraft.
6. Dear passengers, there is an unknown man holding a gun and a scarf over his head right now in the cockpit with me and he says this plane is heading to paradise.
7. Uh...yeah...just like that Phil. Suck it just like that. Ooooh, yeah, who's your daddy huh?
8. Paging for the crew manager. Your pilot is suffering from a heart attack right now as we speak and I think I am getting one myself...
9. Phil are we lost? Did we follow the correct route? Why is this not on automatic? Why are we flying over the Pacific Ocean?
10. Is that a bird. another plane or is that a...fuck.
11. (*slurring) I hope you guys are having a party at the back there because we sure are having on right in front here woohoo!
12. If anybody on the plane finds a cock-ring, please pass it to one of the crew members and have it returned to me, thanks.
13. We're going down bitches, we're going down hard.
14. Lisa can you and the rest of the crew do another safety brief and demonstration to the passengers because we might need to exercise it out in about ten minutes.
15. You could have told me we were heading to Dublin like seven hours ago! What?! Bangkok?!
16. I bet you five hundred bucks I can make this motherfucker make a 360 degrees turn, Top Gun style. In?
17. There is a lady in white here in the cockpit who claims that she died in an air crash seven years ago and drowned in the waters below and if you guys are doing this a joke, I am not amused.
18. Shit Phil, we ran out of lube. Lisa! You're needed in here and bring some lube along with you!
19. Are you passengers feeling lucky today? Because today we are going to fly over the Bermuda triangle!
20. If I'm going down, I am taking everybody with me.
21. I hate to say this but can someone tranquilize the baby that's been wailing non stop for the past hour and a half?
22. And the lady in white says that if she doesn't get to meet her parents today, we are all fucked.
23. Who is the motherfucker who is still playing with their phone after I have told you many, many times to switch the damn thing off?
24. What are the chances of survival if this plane crashes into the plains of Africa below?
25. Anybody who can sing me the best karaoke version of Leaving On A Jetplane gets to sleep with me when we land!
Chocolate Bearing Roy(ce)
There is no greater validation in a girl's existence much like a compliment of the physical kind. A simple "You look pretty today" is the greatest stamp of success for a girl; all those hours and money spent to make themselves look beautiful has finally, finally paid off.
In fact there is an urban legend that the words "You look pretty today" can soothe even a pre menstruating girl.
Hah, kidding. I'm just fucking with you. There is nothing you can do to soothe a pre menstruating bitch in heat. We all know that.
Where was I? Yes, validation and compliments. See the reason I'm writing this post because there seems to be a shift in balance in Melanie's life. We all know the adage, "Too much of anything is not good, even the good things." So what happens when you get too much of validation and compliments? What if that adoration from someone turns into an obsession? And the person receiving it is at a constant state of worry, panic and fear?
That's right peaches. Melanie, my dear tranny Melanie, has a stalker. Legit. And it's a butch who frequents her salon, one of her regular customers actually.
"I am terrified guys," Melanie shared yesterday during dinner.
"Why? Isn't it awesome to have a stalker? I think it's cute. I've never had anybody stalk me before, even when I asked them to," Star said, flipping her hair.
"I wouldn't say that if I were you," Steve laughed.
"So I've been cutting her...his hair for the past two years and she...he always brings me chocolates and stuff and I knew this butch likes me but I never once talked about it with her. But lately things are getting a tad, if not very, very creepy. Two weeks ago I received this from my colleague," Melanie explained, taking out a folded A3 sized card from her bag.
Steve took the card, opened it and went, "No fucking way in lesbian hell, oh my fucking god."
Inside the card is a collage of over twenty pictures of Melanie. but that's not the creepy part. those pictures were printed from Melanie's Facebook account. That means the stalker actually stalked Melanie's profile and printed all of the pictures from there. On the card it read, "To the most beautiful girl in the world."
"That's what happens when you don't make your profile private," I said, scanning the card. It smelled of lemon citrus and vanilla.
"Aww, I think that's adorable!" Star exclaimed, taking the card away from me.
Melanie pinched Star's left arm and Star scowled loudly.
"For the past two weeks, every single day after work you can find her...him waiting for me outside with a small gift in hand. Ferrero Rocher chocolates, Garrett's Popcorn, Famous Amos cookies, anything. When I asked her, her name is Roy by the way, how come she has the time to wait for me everyday she says she rushes from work everyday just to meet me. I know right?" Melanie said, a worried look on her face.
"Roy. That's so masculine than I can ever be in my entire life and I'm straight acting," Steve laughed.
"It's not funny! I already warned my colleagues to NOT give this Roy my email and god forbid, home address! She has my namecard from work and unfortunately my mobile is printed on that and she wouldn't stop texting me. Like twenty messages in a day," Melanie exhaled tiredly.
"That's freaky," I said.
"What does Roy want form you anyways?" Star asked.
"She says she wants to get to know me better. Date me out. But I don't wish to. At. All," Melanie answered.
"So why don't you? I would give it a chance if I were you," Star pursed her lips.
"I am a man to woman transexual and you want me to date a butch who in actual fact is a man trapped in a woman's body. What kind of sick fucked up gender dysphoria shit you think I am into?" Melanie replied angrily.
In fact there is an urban legend that the words "You look pretty today" can soothe even a pre menstruating girl.
Hah, kidding. I'm just fucking with you. There is nothing you can do to soothe a pre menstruating bitch in heat. We all know that.
Where was I? Yes, validation and compliments. See the reason I'm writing this post because there seems to be a shift in balance in Melanie's life. We all know the adage, "Too much of anything is not good, even the good things." So what happens when you get too much of validation and compliments? What if that adoration from someone turns into an obsession? And the person receiving it is at a constant state of worry, panic and fear?
That's right peaches. Melanie, my dear tranny Melanie, has a stalker. Legit. And it's a butch who frequents her salon, one of her regular customers actually.
"I am terrified guys," Melanie shared yesterday during dinner.
"Why? Isn't it awesome to have a stalker? I think it's cute. I've never had anybody stalk me before, even when I asked them to," Star said, flipping her hair.
"I wouldn't say that if I were you," Steve laughed.
"So I've been cutting her...his hair for the past two years and she...he always brings me chocolates and stuff and I knew this butch likes me but I never once talked about it with her. But lately things are getting a tad, if not very, very creepy. Two weeks ago I received this from my colleague," Melanie explained, taking out a folded A3 sized card from her bag.
Steve took the card, opened it and went, "No fucking way in lesbian hell, oh my fucking god."
Inside the card is a collage of over twenty pictures of Melanie. but that's not the creepy part. those pictures were printed from Melanie's Facebook account. That means the stalker actually stalked Melanie's profile and printed all of the pictures from there. On the card it read, "To the most beautiful girl in the world."
"That's what happens when you don't make your profile private," I said, scanning the card. It smelled of lemon citrus and vanilla.
"Aww, I think that's adorable!" Star exclaimed, taking the card away from me.
Melanie pinched Star's left arm and Star scowled loudly.
"For the past two weeks, every single day after work you can find her...him waiting for me outside with a small gift in hand. Ferrero Rocher chocolates, Garrett's Popcorn, Famous Amos cookies, anything. When I asked her, her name is Roy by the way, how come she has the time to wait for me everyday she says she rushes from work everyday just to meet me. I know right?" Melanie said, a worried look on her face.
"Roy. That's so masculine than I can ever be in my entire life and I'm straight acting," Steve laughed.
"It's not funny! I already warned my colleagues to NOT give this Roy my email and god forbid, home address! She has my namecard from work and unfortunately my mobile is printed on that and she wouldn't stop texting me. Like twenty messages in a day," Melanie exhaled tiredly.
"That's freaky," I said.
"What does Roy want form you anyways?" Star asked.
"She says she wants to get to know me better. Date me out. But I don't wish to. At. All," Melanie answered.
"So why don't you? I would give it a chance if I were you," Star pursed her lips.
"I am a man to woman transexual and you want me to date a butch who in actual fact is a man trapped in a woman's body. What kind of sick fucked up gender dysphoria shit you think I am into?" Melanie replied angrily.
Sunday, January 20, 2013
Oh Thy Braveheart!
"Do you know what bravery is? No you don't know! You give a man a gun and a helmet, that's not bravery. You give a man a tank and a bazooka, that's not bravery. I'll tell you what bravery is. Bravery is every woman in this room who makes a gynecologist appointment and to show up!" - Joan Rivers
Yes Joan, that and the following 25 things.
1) Bravery is a girl going to the Maldives on a holiday and swimming with sharks, while she is having her period.
2) Bravery is an opening act for a Mariah Carey concert and playing a medley of Nicki Minaj's songs.
3) Bravery is a man wearing his favourite pair of Tod's suede shoes to go out when it is already cloudy outside.
4) Bravery is a set of parents carrying a fever stricken infant up on economy class on a 14 hour plane ride.
5) Bravery is telling your grandfather who just had a bypass heart surgery that you're sending him to a home.
6) Bravery is a girl going out to Orchard Road on a heavy flow day and carrying only one tampon.
7) Bravery is you fellow Singaporeans driving your new Mercedes to Johor Bahru.
8) Bravery is presenting to your fat BFF a set of BioSlim products and writing on the birthday card, "Hope this helps!"
9) Bravery is going through customs in a European country wearing your AAA grade Louis Vuitton Speedy bag.
10) Bravery is telling your mother to shut the hell up while she is suffering from menopause...and cutting celery.
11) Bravery is every Malay couple who decides to have another child.
12) Bravery is telling your college professor that you don't mind sucking his cock in exchange for better grades. (Girls...and guys, take note)
13) Bravery is slapping some random dude pretending to sleep on the train and saying, "Wake up, don't pretend!"
14) Bravery is going to your least favourite girlfriend and upon meeting her say, "You've put on so much weight!"
15) Bravery is creeping up behind an old lady and suddenly going, "Boom!"
16) Bravery is spraying your cologne/perfume at someone's face during peak hours going, "I can't take it!"
17) Bravery is cutting a queue in Singapore.
18) Bravery is going to a coffee shop, spot an empty table with a tissue on top, toss the tissue aside and sitting your ass down.
19) Bravery is meeting your secondary school friend on the streets carrying a newborn baby and going, "Eeeeuw, is that yours?"
20) Bravery is going to a movie theatre carrying a big plastic bag of Lays and sharing it with three other friends.
21) Bravery is trying to argue about Bollywood with me (not to mention extremely unwise and stupid).
22) Bravery is putting down Copenhagen, Milan, Paris as your hometown when in actual fact you live in Teck Whye.
23) Bravery is giving your Mum a cop of 50 Shades of Grey when she asks you to recommend her an English book to improve her English.
24) Bravery is a M.A.C makeup assistant telling one of their customers, "Sorry no amount of makeup can help you."
25) Bravery is when your girlfriend goes to you and asks, "Am I fat" and you say, "Fuck, like duh."
You are of course peaches free to expand this list and suggest other forms of Bravery.
Yes Joan, that and the following 25 things.
1) Bravery is a girl going to the Maldives on a holiday and swimming with sharks, while she is having her period.
2) Bravery is an opening act for a Mariah Carey concert and playing a medley of Nicki Minaj's songs.
3) Bravery is a man wearing his favourite pair of Tod's suede shoes to go out when it is already cloudy outside.
4) Bravery is a set of parents carrying a fever stricken infant up on economy class on a 14 hour plane ride.
5) Bravery is telling your grandfather who just had a bypass heart surgery that you're sending him to a home.
6) Bravery is a girl going out to Orchard Road on a heavy flow day and carrying only one tampon.
7) Bravery is you fellow Singaporeans driving your new Mercedes to Johor Bahru.
8) Bravery is presenting to your fat BFF a set of BioSlim products and writing on the birthday card, "Hope this helps!"
9) Bravery is going through customs in a European country wearing your AAA grade Louis Vuitton Speedy bag.
10) Bravery is telling your mother to shut the hell up while she is suffering from menopause...and cutting celery.
11) Bravery is every Malay couple who decides to have another child.
12) Bravery is telling your college professor that you don't mind sucking his cock in exchange for better grades. (Girls...and guys, take note)
13) Bravery is slapping some random dude pretending to sleep on the train and saying, "Wake up, don't pretend!"
14) Bravery is going to your least favourite girlfriend and upon meeting her say, "You've put on so much weight!"
15) Bravery is creeping up behind an old lady and suddenly going, "Boom!"
16) Bravery is spraying your cologne/perfume at someone's face during peak hours going, "I can't take it!"
17) Bravery is cutting a queue in Singapore.
18) Bravery is going to a coffee shop, spot an empty table with a tissue on top, toss the tissue aside and sitting your ass down.
19) Bravery is meeting your secondary school friend on the streets carrying a newborn baby and going, "Eeeeuw, is that yours?"
20) Bravery is going to a movie theatre carrying a big plastic bag of Lays and sharing it with three other friends.
21) Bravery is trying to argue about Bollywood with me (not to mention extremely unwise and stupid).
22) Bravery is putting down Copenhagen, Milan, Paris as your hometown when in actual fact you live in Teck Whye.
23) Bravery is giving your Mum a cop of 50 Shades of Grey when she asks you to recommend her an English book to improve her English.
24) Bravery is a M.A.C makeup assistant telling one of their customers, "Sorry no amount of makeup can help you."
25) Bravery is when your girlfriend goes to you and asks, "Am I fat" and you say, "Fuck, like duh."
You are of course peaches free to expand this list and suggest other forms of Bravery.
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