Hello Ramadan

And so we meet again in this holy month of Ramadan. Before anything else, I would like to take this opportunity to wish all my Muslim readers a blessed Ramadan ahead.

I intended to write this blog post much earlier (the plan was on the 1st day of Ramadan) but I have been utterly busy with work and preparing for the fasting month.

My memories of Ramadan has always been a fairly good one. As much as we tell ourselves that wasting food is an tribute of the devil, 90% of us indulge in mindless food buying sprees at this time of the year. I am one of those people. I have spent an entire childhood just gorging on every food possible to the point where I feel like if there is an African cannibal tribe living next door, between my flesh and the food I've consumed; jackpot.

I started fasting when I was seven years old and so I'm pretty good at it by now. Melanie however, is the total opposite.

"I don't know how the fuck do you not eat for half a day and not even a single drop of water while you're at it. Much respect for your people man," she saluted me during one of our evening dinners.

"It's the Holy Month of Ramadan, please don't use the F word Mel, it's disrespectful!" Star said, adjusting her earrings.

"I'm not Muslim, fuck off," Melanie spat.

I snorted.

"See? He's not offended. And it's the Holy Month of Ramadan, don't you have to wear more appropriate clothing? Hmm Star?" Melanie raised her eyebrows.

Star adjusted her low neck top, rolling her eyes at Melanie while doing so.

"Maybe you guys should try to fast with me, it'll be fun," I asked jokingly.

"I heard it's a great way to detox too, I'm in," Steve chirped in.

"Why not? It'll be fun," Star quipped.

All three of us looked at Melanie.

"Oh hell no," she shook her head.

"The gates of Hell are closed Mel. One day, just one day and I'll buy you a new dress if you manage to fast for the whole day," I bargained. Something from H&M maybe. If she asks for a Victoria Beckham or a Roland Mouret then I'm done for. Eat grass for Hari Raya.

"Fine!" Melanie relented.

"What do I get? How come I don't get any dresses?!" Star sulked.

"You get my blessings," I joked.

That was last week. Yesterday the trio started their fast but by 3 in the afternoon, Melanie couldn't take it any longer.

"Is it normal to have murderous thoughts swirling inside your head and to have a heightened snarky attitude when you're fasting?" Melanie texted me from her salon.

"I'm like that, even without fasting," I texted back.

"I'm serious god dammit!" she quickly responded.

"It's the withdrawal symptoms of not having food inside your body I guess. It's pretty normal to get easily agitated when you're hungry. Faith, abstinence and patience Mel," I replied.

"Fuck this shit. Any sooner and there will be  mass massacre in this hair salon. The papers tomorrow will have my face on the front page and it will read: Transsexual Hairdresser stabs 7 customers to death with a pair of hair thinning scissors. I'm getting myself a sandwich. Bye!" she texted back

In the Whatsapp group chat later on in the evening, Star and steve called Melanie's act of weakness a shame of biblical proportions.

"Damnit! I was this close to asking Harry to get me a sheath Victoria Beckham dress!" Melanie typed.

At that point of time, my heart skipped a beat.

That was close now wasn't it?