Best Job In The World

For a good portion of my teenage and young adult life, I worked as a boutique assistant and it really made me see just how ugly and stupid people can really be when they shop.

In this blog post, I am going to share with you the top 5 most annoying customers that I have had the unfortunate opportunity to serve and at that point of time, try my level best to NOT set them on fire. I'm sure some of you who have been in the retail industry can relate to this post.

To protect the image and confidentiality of brands and the people and company I have worked with, I would not be disclosing the real names. This is to protect their identity. I know right? I totally sound like a disclaimer of a badly produced "Based On A True Story" television show.

So here goes:

5) What Actually Happened: There was this annoying lady who came to my store with an equally obnoxious friend and they spent half an hour just telling me that they have five of those $4000++ bags EACH at home. They were carrying a cheap ass FILA bag mind you. And if that fuckery is not enough, they went on and on about how much cheaper the bags were in Paris. They also started taking pictures of the bags for their "friend".

What Was Going On Inside My Head: Is this a fucking photography class or what?

What I Actually Said: "Hah? You have five? Then why never wear ma'am. Haha. Expensive things must wear out frequently if not it will mould in your closet." *smiles so she fucking gets it

4) What Actually Happened: I was minding my own business when a male customer walked in and asked me, "Where is Valentino?!" in a very condescending manner. I told him that there wasn't any, at least not in the malls within 5km radius. "How come there is no Valentino?! This is such a big shopping centre and there's no Valentino?!"

What Was Going On Inside My Head: "ASK YOUR FATHER TO OPEN UP A VALENTINO STORE HERE THEN."

What I Actually Said:  Well I said nothing. I just gave him a disinterested look and walked off.

3) What Actually Happened: It was already 10:30PM at night and we were getting ready to close the store. I shut down the shutter halfway and then went inside the office to switch off all the lights. When I went out of the office, a lady in her mid thirties poked her head underneath the half-closed shutter and asked in the most annoying voice you can possibly imagine, "Are you guys still open?"

What Was Going On Inside My Head: "No lah, we are about to do the Limbo Rock. Come join us!"

What I Actually Said: "No."

2) What Actually Happened: An Ah Lian came into the store and enquired about a certain iconic bag that is made up of turquoise dyed ostrich leather instead of the usual calf or napa leather. I told her that the special edition bag was retailing at $12,500. You know what that bitch said? "Hah?! Why so expensive one? Where got bag until $12k walao. You lying to me right? Is this real ostrich leather or synthetic?"

What Was Going On Inside My Head: "She knows the word synthetic. Wow. I'm Impressed."

What I Actually Said: Again, nothing. I just laughed and put the bag back on the shelf and walked off.

1) What Actually Happened. As usual I was minding my own business, just wiping the glass panels, adjusting bags and dusting off the shelves when this middle aged woman came into the store and loudly asked, "This bag is real or fake?"

What Was Going On Inside My Head: "I can't...I just...I can't."

What I Actually Said: "I don't think it is possible to sell fake branded goods openly in Singapore ma'am." *flashes biggest smile I could possibly muster.

I know, I know, I wasn't the best boutique assistant around back then and many times my snarky attitude would just vomit through my mouth. But try serving stupid inconsiderate and rude customers day in and day out and tell me if you wouldn't go crazy.

So, feel free to comment and share your experiences in the comments section!

P/S: Society needs to do away with the notion of "The Customer Is Always Right". The customer is ALWAYS important, but not always right. That statement just sounds obnoxious.