Monday, October 29, 2012

A Sword and Barbwire

Halloween is an important event in Star's yearly calendar. Back in the States where she spent all of her childhood and half of her young adult life, Halloween is a national event and the entire nation partake in the event. So Star treats Halloween as important than say, a pap smear. In the last four years that I have known Star, she has become Morticia Addams, a sexy nurse, Amy Winehouse and a nun (the irony).

This year, Star has decided to be Pamela Anderson in Barbwire. That would mean a lot of latex, spandex and leather. Lots of tit show too, which is basically the essence of who Star is. Oh, not forgetting a fake tattoo, a gun and a blonde wig. So yesterday, Steven, Melanie, me and Star went to a costume store downtown to search for her desired costume, otherwise known as "The Filthy Slut Getup" according to Melanie.

"That is deep, coming from a transexual social escort," Star snapped.

"So what are you dressing up as Mel? I have a friend who is a special effects makeup artist and he makes the most sick and believable slash wounds," Steven recommended.

"In the three years that I transited from man to woman, I have gone through countless surgeries on every single part of my body. I have a wound, a bruise, a cut, an incision of every part of my body at any given point of time so no Steven, I am not interested to get a fake slash wound on Halloween," Melanie sighed.

"Oh god what is with the bitchiness Mel? And you don't get menses so don't give me the PMS reason," I said.

"I just have no mood to celebrate Halloween this year," Melanie replied.

"Why?" Steve asked.

"Because it was originally my idea to be Pam Anderson in Barbwire. Star stole my idea!" Melanie said, raising her voice and pointed her fingers at Star who was putting on a blonde wig.

"I DID NOT!" Star screamed.

"Girls! Stop it, everybody is looking at us and they are judging us. And why can't both of you dress up as Pam Anderson in Barbwire?" I said.

"You guys wouldn't understand, it is a girl thing," Melanie complained, playing with the fake hammer she picked up from the shelves.

Steven chuckled. Melanie threw the hammer at his face.

"Ow! This face is worth millions!" Steve yelped, rubbing his cheeks.

"Well I spent a fortune on my face too so screw you," Melanie retorted.

"You know what, if you want to be Pam Anderson in Barbwire, go ahead. I will just be her in Baywatch and wear a red one piece swimsuit," Star said.

"Star, you want to wear a bikini in a club celebrating Halloween?" I asked.

"Harry, I have cumulatively worn clothes lesser than a bikini on some days," Star smiled, raising her eyebrows.

Well that is true. Star, on days when she complains that "It's so warm out there!", have worn clothes too revealing that even Bai Ling would go, "Girl, that's too much."

"Really? Oh Star, you're the best!" Melanie said, hugging Star from behind.

"One minute ago, you wanted to kill her and now you're hugging her. That is why girls have menses. The blood that comes out of your pussy is a liquid made up of fakery," Steve rolled his eyes.

"I'm sorry Steve, I don't menstruate," Melanie said.

"Cunt," Steve muttered under his breath.

"What is Harold dressing up? It has been ages since I saw him," Melanie asked me.

"I don't know, he said he wanted to be James Dean," I replied.

"Nice, he is very good-looking, thank god that is the only thing you two share. How old is he again?" Melanie asked.

"He just turned 21 two months ago. You bought him 21 packs of condoms on his birthday remember?" I said sarcastically. Melanie did and my mum was livid. She thought Harold is sleeping with the entire college population. And I had to spend two hours convincing my mum that it was Melanie's idea of a joke.

"Ooooh, legal," Melanie cooed.

"I don't like the way you said that," I said.

"He can be my James Deen, with a E, not an A," Mel licked her lips.

"James Deen is a pornstar and you are disgusting. That is my brother," I said.

Melanie picked up a plastic sword and thrusted it in and out from under her skirt. Star said, "Oh, and I'm the slut around here?"

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