Monday, May 20, 2013

Jiggly(big)puff.

The brassiere should be every girl's best friend. Not diamonds. A bra gives you support where it matters the most and a bra gets half of the job done when trying to pick up men in a club.

Woe is a flat chested woman.

Where was I? Yes, the bra. It is singlehandedly (after pads and tampons) the most important accessory that a woman can have. You can leave your house without panties on (it drives men crazy) but to leave your house without a bra. Bra-sphemous. A bra can make you go from drab to fab in just a matter of seconds.

So it was a very big surprise when Star (who is a full 36C) came to meet us one evening for dinner without any bra on.

"You look like you have two pairs of knees," I laughed upon meeting her.

"Moo!" Steve continued.

"I'm not going to say anything. I've got fake tits, they don't drop," Melanie said, trying to stifle their laughter.

"I will tit slap all of you," Star rolled her eyes.

Turns out, Star has a rash on the inside of her left breast and is advised by her doctor to not wear any bra at the moment so as to let the rashes heal and not to aggravate it further.

"So you have not been wearing any bra to work for the past two days?" Steve asked.

"It's dreadful. I have been wearing a lot of scarves these few days I feel like Andre Leon Talley. I am this close to being called The Scarved Lady. It's awful. I miss my push up bra!" Star sulked.

She was leaning forward and resting her breasts on the table. Steve kept putting cutleries on top of her breasts to balance for his own amusement. Star snatched one of the forks and poked him.

This is why I love my friends. They're retarded.

A couple of minutes later, the waiter came to our table with our food. Late teens, pimple, Greg was his name. Soft spoken and as expected he couldn't take his eyes off Star's ample bosom taking a rest on the table.

Star saw this and in true Star style, she sweetly asked Greg, "Are you looking at my breasts Greg?"

We all broke out in laughter, Greg's face getting redder.

"Ummm...no, sorry," he stuttered, obviously shaken.

"Why are you scared? I'm not angry," Star smiled.

"Slut!" I coughed out, audibly.

After dinner, I brought the three stooges back to my place as they have no plans afterwards.

When I opened the door, my mum came out of her room and hugged all the three of them.

She stopped before hugging Star and asked, "Did you get a double mastectomy like Angelina Jolie or what? Where are your..oh there they are!"

My mum started jiggling Star's breasts and laughed. Just then my brother came out of his room and when he saw what my mum was doing, he screamed, "Oi!!"

Welcome to my life.

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