Friday, December 13, 2013

25 Of My Favourite Tweets

These past eleven months, I have been busy tweeting snarky tweets, one after the other. In short, here are 25 of my favourite tweets, so far.

P/S: Do follow me on Twitter @asonofapeach

1) "Baby, have I gained weight?"

"What am I? A fucking weighing scale?"

2) I don't understand how some Minahs wear foundation; white face, brown neck.

What is this? An art class?

3) I think it is absolutely rude to pinch your nose when you see a Bangladeshi worker. Do you see me closing my eyes when I see your face?

4) Just overheard an Ah Lian telling her friend, "Eh that Channel bag 3k leh!"

She said Channel guys. Channel.

5) If you don't like what you're doing, move on.

You're not a tree.

6) Shit happens. I mean, look at you.

7) People who post unrelated photo captions on IG should have their names changed without their consent so they understand the meaning of relevance.

8) "Love is blind"

That's what I keep telling myself when I see you and your boyfriend.

9) $50 Malay wedding. A shotgun case and a trip to the ROM by cab.

10) My gay friend is so obsessed with T.O.P. from Big Bang he said, "I would be bottom just for him!"

#TMI

11) "One Way Or Another" from 1D is a perfect stalker song.

12) Eh Minah, what shine bright like a diamond? Your standard is Zhulian only girl.

13) Am I the only one who pronounce "LMAO" as "Lemau"?

14) Never piss off a Malay woman or she will set an army of pontianaks to your house.

15) People are so stupid sometimes.

16) I wore a beanie once to get that "street" look. I ended up looking like a dickhead with a loose condom flapping at the end.

17) People should stop standing at their windows in the middle of the night not doing anything at all.

18) Heroine is a movie star.

Heroin makes you see stars.

#knowthedifference

19) I don't trust boys whose eyebrows are slimmer than their girlfriends.

20) I have this inexplicable desire to smack off tiaras off little girl's heads and scream, "You're not a fucking princess!"

21) Love is not screaming when you see your girlfriend's face in the morning without makeup for the very first time.

22) Some girls are medically "mentally-deranged".

23) If you seek Amy, she is not at a Malay void deck wedding.

24) The bra cup will always protect you from the haze.

25) I am so traumatized by Miley Cyrus's performance at the VMAs. I think I got an STD just by watching it on television.

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