Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Miss Azure

Star's company always have an annual staff retreat and this year, her company is sending all 140 of them to Bali for an all expense paid holiday; three days and two nights of mingling around with people that you meet every other goddamn day. But that fact didn't dampened Star's mood one bit; in fact she seems rather ecstatic and utterly excited for the Bali staff retreat next week.

"I'm going to take part in the beauty pageant organized by my company over there! Fifteen of the prettiest girl from my company will compete to be Miss Azure (her company's name) and I think I've got a pretty good chance of winning it," Star squealed during dinner yesterday.

"Winning a company beauty pageant is like being the prettiest girl in Mediacorp; it don't mean much," I said.

"Thanks for the support asshole," Star retorted.

"How is letting the male coworkers in your company see and ogle at their 15 female colleagues parading in a bikini no less an enriching retreat activity? What kind of sick Brazzers inspired shit is this?" Steve asked.

"Like I care. They can ogle at me for all I care. Why do you think I wear so little all the time? It get's cold in the office and sometimes I don't wear a bra so my nipples will say hello to the boys," Star smiled.

"I hope there is an age restriction for this Mizz Azure shit. Because the last thing I want to see on your holiday photos post Bali is a group shot of all the girls in a bikini and three of them have old saggy tits that touches their knees. I would feel sorry for them," Melanie warned, pointing her steak knife at Star.

"Don't point at people with your steak knife, I find it highly unsettling," Steve said.

"You mean like this?!" Melanie pointed the steak knife at Steve, psycho style.

Steve actually went a bit white.

"I hope you enjoy your company retreat though and update your FB and Instagram diligently thank you. I want to know and see everything," Melanie told Star.

"Are they going to have Manhunt also? A Mr Azure, cause I don't think I will be able to handle that," I teased.

"Tsk!" Star rolled her eyes.

"I hope you win though. All that hair and tits should at least get an honourary mention," Steve said.

"I hope so too. I am going to wear my white two piece and this vintage gown I bought last year for the evening gown section. It's cream in colour and backless," Star shared.

"Right up your alley," I retorted.

Star threw her napkin in my face.

"Is that Lisa from French hell joining too?" Melanie asked.

Those of you who have read my blog from the beginning would be acquainted with Lisa, the pretentious piece of pseudo French-lifestyle-imbibing Singaporean who got on Star's nerves because of Starbucks Butter Croissants and Fifty Shades Of Grey. It is pretty hilarious and if you all have the time, go and click on my "Lisa From French Hell" blog post in the archives.

"Duh! She obviously thinks she is pretty," Star flicked her tresses.

"Hide her gown or something," Steve joked.

"And oh god I just remembered that there is a talent round. And you know what she is going to do? A Malay dance. Malay Fucking Dance. Makes you wonder where all her "French" roots disappear right?" Star snarled.

"That's fucking disgusting," Melanie shook her head.

"Guys, what should I do for the talent round? Quick! Suggestions!" Star cried.

"It's not the talent on stage on stage that is going to make you win honey, it is the talent off stage that is going to seal the deal," Steve winked.

"I am not going to give blowjobs to seven of the judges over at Bali," Star rolled her eyes.

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