Monday, February 25, 2013

25 Things A Cab Driver Never Want To Hear

1) "I'm in a mood for a free ride today."

2) "I hope you're in the mood to give a free ride today."

3) "I smell dried cum in here, did you just jack off?"

4) "Twenty dollars on top of the cab fare if you beat the red light in front."

5) *points gun to head "You know where this is going right?"

6) "I'm not interested in your political stance, shut up."

7) "Uncle do you even know where you are going?"

8) *halfway through the journey "You accept pesos right?"

9) "I just shat in my pants."

10) "Uncle open upo your bonnet, there is a body I wanna load."

11) "To answer your question, yes I am a lost spirit."

12) "Sorry I am going to take another cab. I have a gut feeling this one is going to crash somewhere, today."

13) "I know you're secretly watching us make out at the back, daddy."

14) "Your meter is spoilt."

15) "Oh my god my dead grandmother can drive faster!"

16) "Are you Bruno Mars? No? Okay shut up then and let me listen to the real Bruno Mars."

17) "I can see that you're cold blooded but I am not so for the love of god, crank up the air-conditioning."

18) "If I don't make it by the end of the journey, here is the number of my son's mobile phone."

19) "Just to let you know there is no way in hell I am going to pay the ERP charges."

20) "Are you aware that there is a dead rat in the passenger's seat?"

21) "I'm kidding, that was the smell of my fart."

22) "It's either the getai song or your incredibly nasal voice sir. I can't handle two fuckery at the same time."

23) "Why this cab no TV ah?"

24) "I don't know why this is called a Comfort Taxi. It is anything but comfortable."

25) "To Orchard Road, my dear chauffeur."

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