Saturday, February 9, 2013

25 Ways To Come Out To Your Parents

Here at A Son Of A Peach, we never do things the conventional way. So instead of going to your parents and telling them "Mum, Dad, I'm gay", here are 25 other exciting ways to come out to your parents! Gay boys, take note.

1) "Mum, Dad, I am an anal astronaut."

2) "Mum, Dad, I am the biggest Britney Spears fan." *for added effect, tell them this while wearing your Toxic turquoise blue stewardess uniform you wore for Halloween last year.

3) At every dinner, instead of putting pepper and salt to your baked potatoes, add glitter instead while saying, "I need more glitter in my life."

4) Make it a point to watch with them Queer As Folk every single evening for twoo weeks before the big announcement. Trust me, it will take the sting off a bit. For them, not for you.

5) Whatsapp them a picture of your boyfriend and yourself stuffing $5 notes in a go-go boy's underwear in a strip club.

6) At the dinner table, ask your mum abruptly, "How would you like a son-in-law instead?"

7) Play charades with them. You shrieking and screaming all over the place is enough to make them understand.

8) And don't forget to do your Beyonce's impression.

9) "Mum, Dad, I like to take it up the ass."

10) On either one of your parent's birthday, the cake must read: "Happy 50th! P/S: I'm Gay."

11) Make a sudden career change to be a flight steward. Budget also nevermind.

12) Start addressing your mum as "Gurrrrl..."

13) Quote any of Lady Gaga's song lyrics in everyday conversations with them.

14) "Mum, Dad, in your time I would be that boy who knows the lyrics to every song in Funny Girl and thinks he is Barbara Streisand."

15) "Mum, Dad, I'm gay." : Boring.
      "Mum, Dad, I'm gay * sings a show tunes number" : Fabulous.

16) Leave a trail of rainbow coloured frosted cupcakes outside your parent's room where it will end in the kitchen and there is a note that says, "Now that you have enough rainbows to light up your life, here is a little storm for added justification: I am gay."

17) Paste a Post-it on your father's Blackberry charger with the note: I love to BBM, I love to Bare Back Michael.

18) Cut yourself up and write "I am Gay" on a drawing block with the blood and paste it in the living room cause you know, you're dramatic like that.

19) "Mum, Dad, I'm your long lost daughter."

20) Find a picture of Madonna and a picture of you in drag as Madonna. Scan, put it side by side, upload on FB, tag your parents.

21) Have a coming out party. Duh.

22) On your mum's birthday, present to her a pair of gorgeous heels. On the birthday card, write "I want you to know how it feels like to walk in my shoes."

23) "Mum, Dad, I am Dora the Assplorer."

24) Make them watch Prayers For Bobby and threaten them that you're going to jump off a bridge in front of an 18 wheeler too if they don't accept you for who you are.

25) Jump off a bridge in front of an 18 wheeler.

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