Every girl that I know of is reading, or have, more often than not, read the novel Fifty Shades of Grey. I'm using the term "novel" here loosely because I managed to skim through a few pages of it, courtesy of Star and it's what I call "literary porn".
"It's like Danielle Steele on acid meets Brazzers. And. I. Fucking. Love. It.", Star aptly described. I wouldn't be surprised if Star draws references from the book and puts it in practice into her colourful sex life.
I read somewhere that the writer described herself as a bored housewife with nothing to do to pass her time and that's how the idea of Fifty Shades of grey materialized. Her house must be filthy then. I don't think any housewife can have THAT much of free time what with all the cooking and cleaning and washing and vacuuming and mopping and ironing and wiping and that's just household chores. They still have grocery shopping, sending the kids to school, picking them up from school, and trolling around shopping malls for hours and not buying a single thing.
I look at my mum, who is a full time housewife and she is always, always doing some household chore at any given time of the day. My mum told my aunt Sally on the phone the other day, "I don't even have the time to shit. And when I finally have the time to do any shitting, my hands are busy arranging the toiletries on the shelf. I'm living with pigs Sal."
It seems like being a housewife and a best-selling author is like a natural progression to some. That J. K Rowling was also a housewife wasn't she when she wrote the Potter series? But the part that baffles me the most about the author of Fifty Shades Of Grey trilogy is not the time she has managed to squeeze in to write it but what is going on inside her head when she's writing the book. Are housewives in general really that sexually perverse in the head?
"Oh you have no idea what goes on inside a woman's head Harry", Melanie said over dinner yesterday.
"Oh and you do? You're born a dude Mel." I said, but quickly retracting my body back to my seat and looked away. Melanie stared at me like I just deflated her fake breasts with my steak knife. I told her that dinner would be on me and she said, "But of course, why would a woman, A WOMAN like myself be doing footing the bill for dinner?" I kept quiet. Star texted me that night and told me that whatever I did over dinner, was akin to her swimming with sharks, on a heavy flow day.
Melanie explained that these dirty thoughts are normal to women and that for all the repression or the lack of an exciting sexual life, this was basically their way of acting to their fantasies. "That's why they sleep with the gardeners" Melanie added. Later that night, she wrote on my Facebook wall: "Hey Mr Sexy Gardener, you are welcomed to take charge and conquer my secret garden anytime. <3"
Star on the other hand is literally addicted to the trilogy. She called me a couple of hours ago, writhing on the phone, "Harry, I want to find my Christian Grey. I want nasty things to be done to me. And I want it to be done to me...NOW!"
Whoever this E. L. James lady this, she is responsible for making millions of girls around the world kept their fantasies alive and supplying them with pages after pages of literary orgasm. And well, you can never fault that can you?