The Malaysian Education Ministry has endorsed the following guidelines to help parents identify the symptoms of homosexual tendencies in their kids so it can help them to take corrective measures to combat the problem. They are:
Gays:
- Have a muscular body and likes to show their body by wearing V-Necks and sleeveless clothes.
- Prefer tight and light colored clothes.
- Attracted to men.
- Like to bring big handbags, similar to those used by women.
Lesbians:
- Attracted to women
- Have no affection for men
- Likes to hang out, have meals, and sleep in the company of women
- Besides their female companions, they will distance themselves from other women.
But more than just a guideline meant for children, I think it can also be used to identify gay and lesbian adults considering it is very effective, distinct and confirmative. Therefore, I have used the following guidelines to identify gays and lesbians to the people that I know in my life and the list is shocking. I didn't know that there are many gays and lesbians in my life. They are:
1) My father: He always wears these tight V-Neck Byford singlets at home. He claims that it's comfortable but I think it must be to attract our next door neighbour's husband.
2) Star's Aunt: She is a nun and is always seen hanging around and eating with other nuns, who are women. Wishy washy I tell you.
3) Sean, my brother's best friend: He may be engaged but that Sean goes to the gym often and his body is muscular so...
4) My brother: Whenever he goes to the gym with Sean, he always carries this big Zara tote bag with him so that he can "dump everything in". I told him it's gay to be wearing large tote bags similar to women and he replied, "And you're gay too because you've used it thrice. You're three times gay faggot." My question is, "Why so defensive?"
5) Mandy, Melanie's elder sister: She never had a boyfriend because she claims her job as an accountant doesn't give her any time to date but I think she just keep accounts of the pussy she has fallen in love with.
6) Star: Often, we would sit at a cafe and she would blatantly show her attraction towards women. She would say things like, "God, look at that ass. If I had an ass like that I would wear my underwear inside out every single damn day." I told her that she is a lesbian for saying that and she went, "Huh? Fuck you." And then she threw a sugar cube at my face, showing signs of aggression and masculinity, much like a lesbian...the male one.
7) Chris, my tennis buddy: He always buys these men's health magazines because according to him, those magazines teaches him how to satisfy the girls he meets sexually in bed but I think that's just a lame excuse to ogle at the ripped torsos of bare bodied man, clearly showing his attraction to men.
8) My aunt Sally: She only hangs around my mother and distance herself from other housewives because "They are vicious. They will ask for my recipes and tell me that the food tastes just okay a week after that." I just think my Aunt Sally is a total lezbo.
I do have a loger list of people as you can only imagine. I am totally sickened by this new revelation. I must go and pray now and pray that all the V-Necks in my wardrobe to magically disappear and I be rid of this gay disease, if I everchane it coursing in my blood. Melanie is laughing her tits off, sitting beside me going, "Oh Harry, you're too funny." But I have yet to see the humour in this.
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