"I hate kids", Melanie said yesterday over dinner.
"Whats new?" Star replied, occupied with dissecting her crayfish.
"I hate kids so much that I don't want any in the future. I can't and won't have any of those things inside me for nine months", Melanie rolled her eyes.
"Are we forgetting something here? Am I the only one here who have to keep reminding you that genetically you're male?" I exclaimed, frustrated.
"Harry, am I the only here who have to keep reminding you that if you have nothing good to say, to shut the fuck up?" Melanie answered, kicking my leg. "And aren't you going to fan my self importance by asking me what happened to me and why I hated kids?"
"Why?" Star and I asked in unison.
Apparently Melanie's 8 year old nephew had a Career Day at school, where kids bring one of their family members of any profession and they come to class and share with the kids the nature of their job and what do they do for a living? The idea seems fun and harmless, but the thing is, Melanie is a hairdresser by day, and is a social escort in her free time. "First of all, I have to wake up at bloody six o'clock to get ready and then I have to find something appropriate to wear. I am not wearing a bandage dress by itself in front of 8 year olds. There are adults around too. So I wore a blazer over my Hervé Léger, to you know, look more appropriate."
"Wtf?! The kids sitting down on the floor can still see your man made pussy. Mel!" Star scolded.
"I pity the kids. They will be thoroughly confused by the time you come up front? So what does your Aunt really do Sam? She is talking about day jobs and night jobs. And is she your aunt or your uncle?" I teased.
"Which is exactly where I am getting at. So there I was, and I side swept my hair so that my face will look softer and people won't suspect anything. I even rehearsed in my baby voice the night before. I don't want my nephew to be taunted and bullied in school after I did my talk, that would kill me. The teacher, who is this pretty lady whom they all call Miss Rara, which I think is inappropriate name to have but that is not the point. The point here is, when it was my turn, I walked up to the front of the class and even before I could introduce myself, this boy sitting beside my nephew pointed his dirty little finger me and shouted, "Shemale!!"
Star and I laughed so hard the whole restaurant turned to us. Star kept banging the table and was nearing to having an asthma attack and Melanie just sighed, "I mean, how can an 8 year old possibly know the word shemale? What kind of a sick fuck is raising him? The kids didn't get it so they kept quiet but the adults who were present started giggling in their seats, like ignorant assholes Singaporeans are. And I didn't want my nephew reputation to be on the line here so you know what I said, and it's stupid and I should have prayed to the lord first before saying anything back even though the lord doesn't recognize me anymore but all I remembered was feeling so fucking angry so I said, "I am a hairdresser and I carry scissors with me all the time and I will fucking cut your mouth if you ever call me that again.""
"NOOOOO!!!! You didn't say the F word in front of a group of 8 year olds, WITH ADULTS AROUND?!" Star said.
"Like I care. And this kid's father was there and he was a doctor and he tried to confront me after class about scolding his kid in public and I told him, "I have been around too many doctors to know the good and the bad ones and you happen to give me a shitty vibe." And then I walked away. My nephew told me just now that his friends all think I am awesome. Which I am, and even though I couldn't bring myself to fully be normal in a social setting, it's heartening to know that 8 year olds think of me not as a man or a woman, but as an awesome human being."