American Ego

By now the news of the new line up of American Idol judges must have been made known to all of you. We have dog whisperer divaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Mariah Carey, hair weave extraordinaire Nicki (Nicky? I don't now. I'm too lazy to google up this ho's real name. I have better things to do) and boring ass Keith Urban. No really, Keith Urban has a personality of a plank of wood. Even Nicole Kidman, in all her botoxed glory is frowning at his boring ass.

Melanie who is a fan of the show was rather perturbed at the fact that Nicki Minaj was chosen as a judge on a singing reality show. When asked why the unhappiness over Nicki being a judge Melanie only said, "She raps."

"I mean, Mariah. Fine, she can sing in decibels that only dogs can hear so by credit she is a super singer." Melanie continued. I told Melanie that it would be funny to see Mariah Carey in a leotard and a cape with a huge S on her tits, superhero super singer. "You know Harry sometimes I just want to slap you but I don't want to dirty my hands." Star told me that Melanie is just PMSing and I told Star to shut the hell up. Melanie is biologically male.

"And so I was more than happy to have Mariah Carey as judge. She is a Diva after all and she can out sing any of the contestants and isn't that the whole idea of being a judge? That you are superior than the sorry ass fresh faced contestants who cry in between sharing their oh-so-sad life? But Nicki Minaj. Bitch raps."

"It takes talent to rap Mel", Star rebutted.

"You put me in a weave for twenty four hours and trust me, when the itch sets in, I will be rapping like a motherfucking nigga on acid." I told Melanie that in some countries she could get arrested for sprouting out what she just did. "Oh please, there is no niggas in Singapore. The drug peddling Nigerians don't count. All we have are poseurs who wear baggy clothes and go to Butter Factory and raise their hands on the dance floor like they're dope as shit. They look like they have Parkinsons."

"Mel, I didn't know that you go to Butter Factory." Star said.

"CAN WE NOT DEVIATE FROM THE TOPIC PLEASE? This is my favourite show we are talking about!" Mel screeched. I texted Star from under the table, "Must she shout in public all the time? It's embarrassing." Star texted me back, "I will keep this message and use to it to blackmail you in the future." Cunt.

"Nicki Minaj is so full of herself and coming from me, that is saying a lot." Melanie said.

"Well so is Mariah Carey!" Star rebutted, again.

"But Mariah Carey deserves to be full of herself. She deserves every single penny she earns. She has got the talent to back it up. Writing rap lyrics? Star, you give me cocaine at 10 in the morning and I'll rap to you about the security guard at my condo." That poor security guard.

"Fine, what are your thoughts about Keith Urban then? He is a country superstar. He deserves to be on that table right?" Star asked.

Melanie rolled her eyes and said, "I don't see what Nicole Kidman sees in him. So boring." Love is blind, I told Melanie. "Today I really don't mind dirtying my hands Harry. Don't make me."