Sunday, October 14, 2012

Kinecting Lives

Dancing, I truly believe, is a skill that you are either born with or you don't. It is not something that you can harness over time. If you're a bad dancer, no amount of training can help you look less of an idiot on the dance floor. It's not like say, cooking. WIth practice, over time one can grow from being a busy cook to a fantastic one. This is because it is a soil that we harness using an external factor i.e. the ingredients. Dancing, on the other hand is just about you and your body. I have had friends, whose names I shall not disclose, that go to clubs and dance on the dance floor to steps similar to someone having an epileptic seizure or someone going through an exorcism.

There are three types of people when it comes to dancing:

1) The Pros: We are taking about people who makes a living out of dancing. This group of people have dancing genes coursing inside their body. Give them any music, a space, and they will dance. 5% of the human race belong in this group.

2) The Groovers: This group of people are not dancers, but they have a sense of rhythm nonetheless. We can give them a piece of music and they can groove naturally to it without looking stupid. 94% of the human race belong in this group.

3) The Apes: This group cannot dance to save their lives and is often the subject of ridicule and laughter on the dance floor. According to the Darwin Theory of Evolution, this group of people have not evolved much from their ape ancestors, and they dance like one too.

I personally would kill myself if I have friends who are cruel enough to NOT tell me that I am a horrible dancer and who would let me be the dude that everyone would talk about days after the party, and not good things either. Thankfully, with the company that I keep, such life damaging traits are immediately outed, bluntly no less and in your face. Having said that, I would like to believe that I am safe in the dancing department.

Two days ago, my newly wed cousin Sarah invited me over to her newly bought condominium for a housewarming party. "Bring Star and Melanie along! let's play Dance Again on my XBox 360 Kinect! It'll be fun!" I knew it was a bad idea from the start because Star and Melanie as we know it, are the type of people who would laugh out loud at something first, and then regretting it much later. But an invite is an invite and I took that risk and asked them along. They obviously were more than happy, partly also because Sarah's pilot husband is sex on a stick. Star's words, not mine.

The party was great, the food was really good and by six in the evening, most of Sarah and Jason's (Sarah sex on a stick pilot husband) relatives and colleagues have left. The only people remaining were Star, Melanie, Alex (Jason's best friend), Mira (Alex's wife), Sheila (Sarah's BFF), Martin (Sheila's husband), Steven/Stevieboy (who has graciously deigned the condo for a third of the price), Sarah , Jason and myself.

"Let's all play Kinect now!" Sarah excitedly said, setting up the console.

"So who's gonna start first?" Jason asked, smiling.

"I wanna go last! Save the best dance for last!" Sheila said.

Star rolled her eyes. I pinched her thighs and whispered a quick "Tsk! Stop it!". Sheila is one of those girls who has a tendency to make everything revolve around her. She has a knack of making everybody around her uncomfortable with her excessive confidence. She is also one of those few girls who would buy a cheap ass Coach bag and Facebook, Instagram and Tweet the photo. "Cheap ass" were Melanie's words. The only reason why we put up with her is because she is Sarah's close friend.

This I can tell you, the Kinect is one hell of an addictive game. And it makes you sweat, so at the same time, you're burning calories too. A great way to lose weight for those of you who hates eating salads, or low fat milk for that matter. Genius way to make people exercise. Sarah and Jason were of course, topping the game because they play it every single day after work and they know all the steps. Melanie is obviously a fantastic dancer and she improvises the steps according to her own way. That's like a lot of tit tugging. Star on the other hand is a closet breakdancer. Yes, breakdancer.

We were all laughing really hard and thoroughly enjoying the whole experience, singing along to I Know You Want Me, Maneater, Poker Face, Evacuate The Dancefloor loudly and Melanie was dancing for the third time, to Move Your Body when Sheila started her nonsense.

"Oh my god you guys are so terrible! Haha, my ten year old niece can dance better than you guys!", she rolled her eyes. She doesn't have a ten year old niece, but this is Sheila and Sheila can own a nuclear plant if she wants to be the centre of attention. "Let me close the ceremony and show you guys how it is done!", she added.

I looked down. Star tugged at my shirt and whispered, "The circus is coming to town. Embrace yourselves."

She chose Pon De Replay because it "would showcase my dancing prowess and it's a good mix of hip hop and sexiness". Melanie coughed.

All I can say is that when Sheila danced, Star laughed so hard she spilled her champagne on her dress and covered her eyes screaming, "My eyes can't take this fuckery!" and Melanie covered her face with her palms just shaking her head and her body is literally shaking, trying to contain her laughter. I didn't know what possessed me but I became really bitchy and pointed to the clown and said, "Hahahahaha, Don't Pon De Replay the dance thanks! You look like you have a squirrel in your underwear."

Martin wasn't too amused. I could see from his face but we didn't care. Steven, who has had a lot to drink suddenly said, "Honey, it is cause of girls like you that I choose to become gay. Bless your soul Martin, you're marrying an epileptic paraplegic!"

And just like that, the party ended.


  1. LOL!!! this made my Monday, Harry! (∩▂∩)


  3. Aww thank you girls. Keep reading. I don't think the girls are going to stop embarrassing themselves either. Much love!