Saturday, November 24, 2012

To The Beat

"Oh dear, Rihanna spent Thanksgiving with Chris Brown. Does that mean that they are back together again?" Star said yesterday during dinner, scrolling intently on her Samsung Note 2.

"Why do you spend so much time on those rubbish celebrity gossip blogs?" Melanie complained, mouth full of sushi.

"What do you want me to read about? Articles on sexual dysphoria?" Star snarled.

"It's a tricky thing isn't it? Abusive relationships?" Steven opened the topic and put a sashimi in his mouth.

I am always amazed at people who eat raw living things. If not for the fact that they sell cooked deep fried options, I would never set foot in a Japanese restaurant. Star says it is stupid of me to not even try and eat sashimi. She says it is like shopping at Victoria Secret's and not trying on the Wonderbra at least once. "You are missing out on a lot of things," she always says.

"I have no tits, I'm not missing out on a lot," would be my reply.

"Oh this is interesting! Chris Brown is apparently going to have a concert in Brussels and you know what Rihanna fans did to the giant Chris Brown concert poster. They blew up the infamous picture of Rihanna all bruised and battered and plastered it over his poster," Star continued.

"That doesn't mean anything. Because at the end of the day, she is still with him. That's a biggest "Fuck you all" to her fans," I said.

"Why is she even back with him? A man who lays his hands on a woman should never be given a second chance," Melanie spat.

"Like I said, abusive relationships are tricky. 99 percent of women who are still continuing in an abusive relationship sees beyond the physical attacks. It is more emotional and psychological than you think," Steven shared.

"In Rihanna's case, love, literally heals all wounds," I joked.

Melanie wasn't too amused.

"Any guy who wants to lay his hands on me, it should only be on my ass cheeks," Star shrugged.

"Has it always got got be about sex with you Star?" Steven asked.

"Yes," Star replied sharply.

"If a guy lay his hands on me, I will beat the crap out of that motherfucker," Melanie said. And I believe her. Once in a drunken stupor, she got into a fist fight with this dude in a club at last year's new years party who was twice her size. And he fell on the ground. Melanie was wearing a ring with a metal rose head and the guy's nose bled. I believe that was Melvin at work. Melanie is like a tranny version of Jekyll and Hyde.

But the topic didn't just ended there. Star had another theory as to why Rihanna was beaten up in the first place.

"You know how there are some girls who become fucking annoying when they fight with their boyfriends? You know? Those "Slap me lah! Slap! Show me! I want to see you slap me! Come on! Why you just standing there? Scared? No guts is it? You're not a man! Slap me lah! Slap!" Those kinda girls," Star animatedly acted out.

The whole restaurant looked at our table. Steven had covered his face with his palms over his forehead and Melanie was pretending to look at her phone and I was the only person left on the table actually paying attention to whatever she just said.

"All I'm saying is, she must have a part to play in it. Furthermore she has a naturally high pitched annoying voice tone, even I would be compelled to slap the living crap out of her Bajan face," Star finished.

Steven texted me that very same night after the dinner asking me whether Star was ever in an abusive relationship, considering how lightly she sees the issue. Spanking doesn't count as an abusive relationship right?

1 comment:

  1. You're funny :) I think I have to read your blog from the beginning...

    Others may not get your humor but I like it. Keep up