Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Doomsday Cheese Crackers

And so the world did not end on the 21st of December 2012 as famously predicted by the Mayans. For the past couple of years, the entire world was busy churning up theories and predictions as to what is going to happen come December 21st. Many (millions actually) suddenly got scared and started anticipating in fear, which if you ask me is stupidly humane.

I mean here we are, getting all terrified about the pending doomsday by taking what the Mayans predicted ages ago. The Mayans were human beings, not gods. Human beings are incapable of even exercising peace amongst themselves, let alone predicting the future.

And then there are those who go to the media and talk about how the signs of doomsday is already here. Why wait all these while before slowly picking out the signs? I think the first sign that the world was going to end was when Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian bought a handheld camcorder. Where were the Mayans then?

Let's also not forget those fools who were out to buy truckloads of food supplies and sustenance for the coming apocalypse. What were they thinking? That what, come doomsday, the world would obliterate into nothingness and only their family and themselves would be left in the basement of their home munching on Ritz Cheese Crackers? And until when?

And even if they can survive on Ritz Cheese Crackers all their life (I can), they are going to be alone in this world, and literally too. These thoughts weren't whirling inside their head while queuing at the check out counter?

The day before the supposed doomsday, Star, Mel, Steve and myself were at Starbucks discussing about the last thing we would want to do before the world ends. Neither of us actually believed that the world was going to end the day after but it makes sense and its fun to discriminate and judge each other based on their last wishes. That's what friends do.

The last thing I would want to do before the world ends is to go to my mum's place and ask for forgiveness," Melanie started the ball rolling.

"So emotional?" Steve asked.

"I want my mum to feel my breasts and know how much hard work is being put to produce these babies," Melanie said, touching her man made inflated chest.

"Melanie stop touching yourself in public, people will call the cops," I scolded her.

"Steve what about you?" Melanie asked.

"I just want to spend and have a good dinner with both of parents," Steve said smiling.

"Since when did the two of you become sentimental. It doesn't suit you both," Star replied, running her fingers through her hair.

"Harry? And please don't say something boring and predictable," Star continued.

"But my life is boring and predictable. Oh I don't know, maybe just sit at home and watch DVDs until my entire house crumbled upon me?" I answered.

"Seriously? DVDs? Until the world ends?" Star retorted.

"It beats having my mum touch my chest or having dinner with her, god forbid," I tried to justify.

There was an awkward silence on the table. So apparently my life is not only boring and predictable; it is pathetic too.

"You guys deserve to die with those believers. Because I want to have an orgy with five different men at one time right before the world ends," Star shared.

"We are talking about something that we have never done before Star," I smiled.


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