Monday, December 10, 2012

Oh How Cute!

"Do you know or have seen any ugly babies before in your life?" Star asked out of the blue during supper three days ago.

"Steve?" she asked. Steve shook his head vehemently.

"Mel?" she continued asking.

"Aren't all babies supposed to be cute? In a baby kinda way?" Melanie replied, face scrunched up.

"And before you ask me, yes I do believe in the existence of ugly babies but no, I have not had the rotten opportunity to witness it with my own eyes," I said without any prompting from Star whatsoever.

Something must be up.

"Why the sudden question? Something must be up," Steve said, taking the words right out of my head.

"Nothing..." Star's voice went soft.

"Oh please, what is it about? Just share!" Melanie goaded.

"No, nothing. It's someone else's kid. That would be mean," Star smiled weakly, obviously trying hard to be virtuous or morally upright; which I don't know.

"Star being thoughtful and sensitive doesn't suit you one bit," I said, in the most condescending tone I could possibly muster.

"Fine!" Star said, raising her arms.

"That's my girl," I teased. Star kicked my legs from under the table. Hard.

"There is this colleague of mine who just gave birth to a baby girl and she can't stop showing pictures of her baby to me at work. I thought the assault would end when I am at home, safe within the four walls of my room. But I was wrong. I log on Facebook and Instagram and that damn baby face floods my news feed. And she keeps sending this annoying mass messages with a link to some cute baby contest one after the other. And have I told you that the baby is ugly? Yes, it is UGLY! I have never seen such a hairy baby in my entire life. It's like this furball with a scary ugly face attached to it. How do I tell her that she needs to stop building mental images inside my head that i bring to my dreams without sounding like an asshole?" Star rattled on.

A heavy sigh followed afterwards. You could tell she kept it for too long and needed that release to make herself feel better.

"Oh I can so imagine how traumatizing it is for you to continue lying through your teeth everyday and go on saying things like "Oh how cute!" and "That's adorable!" every time she shoves her baby's photo in your face," Melanie said.

"It can't be that ugly. I think you're just exaggerating," Steve added.

Star quickly fished out her phone from her Celine tote and logged on to Facebook, face intent. She covered her phone screen and told us, "You guys ready?"

Star uncovered her phone screen and Melanie's eyes widened and Steve actually yelped a little.

"Eeeuw what is that?" Melanie commented, a pained expression on her face.

"Okay I take back my words, that is one ugly looking baby. What happened? It's like one of those black magic gone wrong things. Oh shit, I feel bad now for your colleague," Steve said.

On my part, I actually wasn't as shocked at the grotesqueness of the baby but at the fact that I am using the word grotesque to describe a baby. This is so wrong on so many levels but let's just say that Star's not going to be the only one who is going to be having nightmares from that day on.

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