Ever since A Son Of A Peach opened up a Twitter account a couple of months ago, I have been experiencing a daily struggle with condensing my thoughts in 140 characters or less to update a tweet. This is a terrible misfortune for people like me who firstly, speak in complete sentences and secondly always using the correct spelling for every single word.
But in the name of technological advancement and hitting the social media iron while it is still hot, and of course for you readers, I will continue to fight the battle that is "140 characters or less" like Britney to depression.
The trending topic on twitter are more often than not a good push for my creative and snarky mind and on NewYear's Eve one of the trending topics or hashtag was #2012TaughtMe. And since we just celebrated 2013 less than 48 hours ago, I thought it would be a great idea to list down 12 things #2012TaughtMe. Some people call it putting things in perspective, I call is "snark vomit". Here we go:
12. #2012TaughtMe that there are women out there who don't have enough self-respect and dignity and who gives second chances to physically abusive misogynists. We call these group of women: Rihanna.
11. #2012TaughtMe to be more tolerant of offending body odour in public transportation. To efficiently counter and treat this phenomenon, just bring along your toilet air freshener wherever you go and spray it liberally within a 5 metres radius. It beats (and definitely less painful) than having to use a fucking clothes peg to pinch your nostrils.
10. #2012TaughtMe that there are no pretty (and intelligent) girls in Singapore worthy enough to be a Miss Universe. How many times have we won the pageant? That's right, never.
9: #2012TaughtMe to be fully equipped with a song that is memorized by hard. This will come in handy when waiting in line at the ATM and the person in front of you is taking forever. Sometimes I sing loudly, they think I am a nut bag and leave immediately. Works like a charm every single time.
8. #2012TaughtMe to think before I speak, which is not a lesson really, cause I never do it.
7. #2012TaughtMe the importance of the "subscribe" button in Facebook. Because I never learn my lesson when it comes to thinking first before saying anything, I find myself constantly ridiculing impressionable young girls who act slutty or pompous self-righteous cuntheads, With the subscribe button, i can choose to unsubscribe form their wall posts and my life instantly becomes much less stressful and more peaceful. The adage "the less you know, the less you get hurt" applies strongly here.
6. #2012TaughtMe the catchphrase "Bitch, please." Highly versatile and a kickass punctuation/ reply/retort to anything remotely stupid. Use it.
5. #2012TaughtMe to say "No". This year I have said "No" to a lot of things. Things like Coke, E and Ice. Melanie's fault. But I am proud that I never once succumbed to her and took any form of recreational drugs. I get the same high from watching Bollywood movies anyways. True story.
4. #2012TaughtMe the importance of weather forecasting. This year alone I was stuck in town in the pouring rain four times...wearing suede shoes. That is two Tod's, a pair of Church's and a Car Shoe and you (or anybody for that matter) should never experience the kind of seething rage coupled with a sense of helplessness that I felt on those four occasions.
3. #2012TaughtMe to find humour in the death of quality television programs. That is why I thoroughly enjoy Here Comes Honey Boo Boo and Keeping Up With The Kardashians. I can't decide which one I love more though. It is a toss between Honey Boo Boo's redneck sassiness and Kim Kardashian's lilting (fucking annoying) baby voice.
2. #2012TaughtMe to always double confirm the real gender of a seemingly androgynous looking individual. This year alone I mistook two preteen boys for a butch and I really blame this confusion on Justin Bieber.
1. #2012TaughtMe that we should stop listening to what people say and letting it affect us. Like the Mayans. Instead of shouting "Happy New Year" at the stroke of midnight, a drunken guy beside me shouted, "Fuck you Mayans!" Good for him I say.