Thursday, January 3, 2013

Cribs, Extreme Makeover

After waiting for over a month, today my house has finally finished with its "extreme makeover". The night before my mum was busy texting me again and again with the same message: "Don't forget to be there at 10am please!" I don't see the need to reprimand me again and again when I am living with the interior designer and he is the one sharing with me all the details of the newly decorated four room apartment.

I texted her "Okay" four times and she still sent me the same message.

"Mum, stop it! Did you even read any of the incoming messages? Go check it now!" I texted her.

"Oh. Sry. :P"

You see what I have to deal with peaches?

So this morning at 10 am sharp I was there with Steve outside my gate and to my surprise, both my mum and Harold were already waiting outside.

"Harold! You're still alive!" I teased.

I was actually half serious. The past three weeks, I have not even met let alone received any of his text. It's like he suddenly disappeared to an unknown land and came back after a long time. He did post on his Facebook status that he is enjoying the one month break from "all the craziness". I think he meant my mum.

Harold rolled his eyes.

"Did you learn how to roll your eyes like a girl from your cock-sucking buddy Sean?" I teased again.

"Shut up harry!" Harold answered, rolling his eyes again.

"Shut up Harry!" I mimicked him. "So fabulous," I teased for the last time.

"Are you guys ready to see your new house?" Steve interrupted.

"Yes! I am! I am sick of these two boys going at it. I hope you've done a great job Steve, hope you have stretched every single dollar of mine and transformed my house or you can forget about eating with us again," my mum straight, face deadpan.

"Okay..." Steve said softly, I think out of fear.

"I'm only kidding! A dollar's gonna make me holler!" my mum suddenly shrieked.

That caught all the three of us by surprise and there was an awkward silence for about five full seconds. I am also in shock that my mum referenced Honey Boo Boo in her daily conversations now.

"Right. Are you guys ready?" Steve said, keys in doorknob. Mother and two sons nodded their heads simultaneously.

You know the kind of sound that a kid makes when he or she opens up a fantastic gift for his/her birthday? It is a cross between being in awe and wanting to cry out of happiness. It was just this certain type of "Oooooh" and my mum did that about twenty times when inspecting the new house.

"Steve crept up beside me and whispered, "What does "Oooooh" means? Does she like it or it that an "Oooooh what the fuck did you do to my house you wretched child"? I am confused."

"I think she is in love with it," I replied. And why wouldn't she. The house was beautiful. It was everything my mum imagined for and more. Minimalist chic? Check. Spacious area? Check. Hints of Balinese? Check.

The kitchen was in black and Steve had installed a steel exterior oven, overhead utensils rack, refrigerator and sink. My room was exactly how I wanted it to be and I was more than happy. The different shades of beige and cream and light browns on the walls made my house bigger than it really is.

All in all, forty grand well spent. And Steve didn't take any more money form us, not a single cent. He even gave us a cheque of $8000 of "leftover" money.

I wish I could take pictures of my new house and show it to you guys but my mum said, "Don't! I don't want anybody to follow and copy the interior of my house!" and snatched my camera away from my hands. Childish much?

"Now that our house is perfect and magazine ready you stop your hoarding habit," Harold said, lying down on his queen sized bed.

"I was never a hoarder!" my mum defended herself.

"Then you are a...COUPON QUEEN!" I shouted from across the living room. That'll teach her to never reference Honey Boo Boo ever again.

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