As many of you are well aware, cooking has always been one of my greatest passions. For me, there is no greater joy in this world (apart from seeing Madhuri Dixit dance) than whipping up dishes for my loved ones to enjoy. I have also used my cooking skills to bait my loved ones into doing something for me. Some people call it cunning, I call it "gastronomical blackmail".
Once a month, I would invite Star, Melanie and Steve over to my house and I would cook for them and in return, they give me free haircuts, free car rides and free movies amongst many others. It's like barter trading, without the monetary hassle.
So yesterday as usually planned, the three of them were scheduled to come to my house for home cooked dinner. I made Mac & Cheese, Rosemary Chicken with Garlic Potatoes, Sangria and Homemade Donuts with Blackberry Jam.
Two hours before the dinner, Star called me up saying that she already got off work early because she paid back hours and wanted to help me with the cooking.
"But you don't know how to cook," I told her bluntly over the phone.
"There must be something I can do!" she said over the phone.
"I'm actually done with the cooking, I'm only left with desserts. I'm making the jam and donuts from scratch so I guess you could help me with that..." I explained.
Fifteen minutes later, she arrived at my doorstep. Straightaway, I gave her an apron to wear. She is a total mess in or out of the kitchen so I am not taking any chances.
"Okay, so what do I do first?" she excitedly asked.
"Add a quarter cup f water to the yeast and let it sit for five minutes while I sieve the flour," I said.
"Yeast? Isn't that an infection or something?" she innocently asked.
"I cannot believe you just said that. You do know that yeast is needed to make bread right?" I asked her.
"All I know is that a yeast is what I will get if I don't take care of my pussy properly. I don't know what it's doing being in breads and donuts and shit," she flicked her hair.
"You know what? You sieve the flour while I handle the yeast," I instructed annoyingly. Useless.
"I'm gonna make a mess, a big mess. You know that. Can I do something else?" she bargained in a cutesy baby voice.
"Make. The. Jam," I rolled my eyes. "And before you ask me how, it's idiot proof. Blackberries, sugar, water. Medium heat. Stir and mash, stir and mash until it thickens. Go," I sternly said.
"Shouldn't you caramelize the sugar first?" she asked.
I glared at her.
"You know what? You're totally of no use to me right now, go in front and watch television, go!" I raised my voice.
"Yeah, I should just let you run the show and be the overbearing control freak that you are," she mumbled softly.
Just then, my mother came into the kitchen and upon seeing Star, hugged her.
"You shouldn't be her," my mum smiled at her, eyebrows hinting at me.
"She thinks the yeast used to make breads is the same one that she gets in her pussy, can you believe the stupidity of this girl?" I complained.
My mum laughed so hard Star actually took a few steps back.