Saturday, February 23, 2013

Sweat And Grime

Melanie have been trying to hit the gym for a while now. She claims that she has piled on the pounds and that "there is no self-respecting transsexual in a first world country that has muffin tops for a waist".

I personally think she looks great. yes, she may have gotten slightly pudgy after CNY but nothing a Spanx can't help to conceal. Melanie however is extremely disgusted with herself. But to what extent you may ask?

She wore a kaftan yesterday for dinner.

"I feel like I'm in Saudi, don't you guys think so?" Steve joked when Melanie arrived in a long black kaftan.

"Saudi don't have trannies," Star added fuel to the pudgy fire that is Melanie.

"There are trannies everywhere all over the world; you never know what lies behind those burqas," I said, sniggering.

"This one shows her face. How progressive," Steve laughed.

"Fuck you, fuck you and fuck you. I've gained five kilograms and I have muffin tops for a tummy hence the kaftan," Melanie said.

"You look like one of those Malay girls at those void deck weddings. Unimaginative and boring as hell," I chuckled.

"I need to hit the gym and lose that damned five kilograms. I feel so covered up I'm like a dumpling right now. It must have been all those bingeing during Chinese New Year and the pig out dinners with all of you! You all have a part to play in this!" Melanie cried.

"Look at this tranny. Blaming the world and society but herself," Star mockingly spat.

Fast forward to this morning, Melanie had dragged Steve and myself to California Fitness to sign up for a gym membership. Steve already has a lifetime gym membership at California FItness like the alpha home that he is and Melanie is so desperate for workout company that she has volunteered to pay for a one year gym membership for me.

And why not if it's free?

Star doesn't believe in exercising. "Sex is cardio and I have cardio four times a week so I'm good," she said yesterday.

Right after the membership was settled the three of us made our way into the gym and got onto the treadmill side by side. Five minutes into our jog, Melanie asked in between breathes, ""

"," Steve replied in tandem.

"," I echoed.

By the time the three of us are done with the treadmill (4 kilometres woohoo!), Melanie was already pissed by the incessant grunting of this burly Caucasian man, dragged us both to the step machine for more cardio work "to burn off the annoyance".

Unfortunately, there were only two machines available and it was both being used by these two young girls and they weren't even working out, merely standing on the step machine and talking to each other. Steve said he wanted to get a drink and off he went, leaving Melanie and I waiting by the step machine for our turn.

"Excuse me are you guys done?" Melanie asked visibly annoyed.

"Sorry we're still using it," one of the girls said, not even looking at Melanie, busy chanting away with her friend, body stationary.

Melanie looked at me, mouth wide open. We stood there for a good three minutes just staring at the two girls. Steve came over, fully hydrated and said, "Don't bother Mel. These two cunts don't do any kind of exercise whatsoever. They hog the step machine and just talk and talk. It's been about four? Five weeks?"

I pulled Melanie away slowly and whispered, "This is a gym, not a boxing ring. We will lift weights how about that? Hmm?"

"I'm going to the reception and canceling our memberships immediately. I'm better off exercising at home. And oh my god did that man over there just let his sweat trickle down and wet the bench press? Harry, he didn't even wipe it before leaving! I'm so done, done!" Melanie spat, grabbing her towel and huffing away.

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