Tuesday, February 5, 2013

25 Reasons Why I Can Never Be A Drag Queen

1) I cannot seem to come up with a "wow" drag queen name. I have Bianca as my first name and then...that's it. I'm stuck.

2) I have a sensitive scalp so no wigs or weaved for me.

3) I cannot gyrate in six inch hooker heels.

4) My make up skills is beyond help. I once tried to help Star of the smokey-eye makeup effect and it ended up like someone punched her in the eye.

5) I can't hold my liquor.

6) I don't keep abreast with the latest hits from Rihanna.

7) I am uncomfortable with the idea of binding my penis every night. What if i urgently need to pee?

8) Or stuffing the bra with god knows what.

9) I suck at lip synching.

10) I'm allergic to glitter. I get rashes, the worst kind.

11) My legs are too muscular and mannish.

12) I can't imagine myself incorporating a great deal of "Daaaahling" in my everyday conversations.

13) Not really a night person.

14) I find the idea of smacking random men's butts revolting.

15) Fake eyelashes. I just can't. It's like weights for your eyelids.

16) I don't think the lady working at the M.A.C. counter can ever suggest me a great lipstick colour.

17) I accidentally scratch myself silly with normal nails. I can't even imagine the accidental pain with my new nail extentions.

18) I don't do drugs.

19) I cannot imagine the amount of money that is going to be spent on my new drag queen wardrobe.

20) And speaking of which, I don't look good in sequins and leotards.

21) Melanie would be jealous of me and I can't handle that.

22) I'm not interested in waxing my entire body on a weekly basis. No can do.

23) "Fabulous" is not the first word that comes to your head when asked to describe me right?

24) I don't have any drag queen jokes.

25) I would rather jump down a cliff than perform Gloria Gaynor's I Will Survive in front of a crowd.

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