Thursday, February 7, 2013

25 Reasons Why I Can Never Be A Teacher

1) I'm not that much of a disciplinarian, even for myself, let alone 35 nine year olds.

2) I still believe in corporal punishment for children.

3) I am very anal about penning down a perfect tick and I am not going to go berserk on a kids jotter book, please.

4) I am treading a thin line between being sane and being a mental nutcase and I don't need a profession that would tip me over to the other side two weeks into it.

5) I hate kids.

6) I probably hate their parents too.

7) I would probably scream "Shut the fuck up!" in front of the kids a bit more often than I should (which is never).

8) I have forgotten what an integer is. Or a prime number for that matter.

9) My report book testimonial would probably read: Rude, attention seeking, smelly, doesn't participate in class, never does his homework and overall fucking useless. I am done with you.

10) I, without a shadow of a doubt, WILL practice favoritism.

11) I can't stand bad handwriting. In fact I have zero tolerance for it. I'd probably set the book on fire, record it and show it to the class the next day.

12) I will take a lot of nap breaks, oh that's for sure.

13) I will have total disregard for my superiors i.e. Head of Departments and the motherfucking Principal. See? I have not even met any and I am already cursing.

14) Every Teacher's Day, I would be the asshole who tells a kid who gave me a cheap notebook, "You know if you're going to give me this, don't bother giving anything to me okay?"

15) I'm going to be super protective of my chalk collection.

16) I cannot handle chalk stains on my clothes. Cannot. Handle. It. At. All.

17) My powerpoint skills is so shitty you have no idea.

18) I won't be able to refrain myself from rolling my eyes every five seconds during every Parent Teacher's Meeting.

19) I would skip chapters like Pythagoras Theorem and Kinesthetics with the reason that "it won't help you when you become an adult".

20) On lazy days, it would be "Video Day". That would be approximately four times weekly.

21) Flying textbooks, erasers, pencils, sharpeners, desks, chairs and crying children.

22) I would purposely ask the kid that I hate the most to be in charge of the Bunsen Burners and...

23) I won't do headcounts during school excursions.

24) The kids would spend more time cleaning the classroom than doing any form of learning whatsoever.

25) During class photos, only the cute kids would be in frame. The ugly ones won't make it.

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