Saturday, April 20, 2013

Embarrassed, Embarrassed

Everyone has had embarrassing moments in their lives. Some are laughable and easily forgotten, some are mortifying and scarred you for life. I myself have experienced such moments and every time I think about it (which is quite a lot) I get the same sinking feeling in my heart similar to that time when I saw Liz & Dick on HBO during a drunken stupor.

So here's my top 3 most embarrassing moments (in no running order):

1) I was greatly involved in my school's drama club and this passion stemmed from the fact that I was a boisterous drama king (queen to be honest) in the making and I just needed an avenue to channel all that energy to and what better place to do so than the stage?

Year after year, time after time, you would see me again and again, up on stage for a myriad of occasions. Speech day compere, class debater, oratorical contests, literary evenings, drama nights blah, blah, blah. Always Harry. And soon enough I was becoming the go to guy for all these stage related events. People got sick of me, I was sure of that.

To cut the story short, I was 15 going on 16 and had put up a show which I had written and directed myself and I made this joke about "raining hotdogs" and nobody in the audience laughed. The school assemble was so quiet you could just cut the humiliating tension with my diminishing pride.

To make things worst, some little fucker started booing in the audience and soon, it escalated into a snowball effect and in five seconds, the entire school was booing at me. All I could remember was, "I need to get off the stage!"

It was mortifying.

2) I remembered going to Geylang Market with Star one day and she suddenly had a craving for goreng pisang (fried banana fritters). Star is a big goreng pisang fan and could literally eat fifty at one go. But the thing is, there are many different types of names for different bananas. And I have made the effort to teach her the more popular ones like tanduk, kepok, emas, monyet and what have you but she has made zero effort to remember any of these names; she just points.

So on that particular day, upon arriving at the goreng pisang stall, she started her usual pointing game. But this time, it was different.

"Cik, give me the long one $3, the short one $3, the one that already cut, yeah that one, the long one that you cut, you give me $3. Cik this one is hard kind or soft on the inside?"

The uncle laughed and I didn't walk in front of that shop for two years.

3) We were at the Ritz this one time celebrating Melanie's birthday, just the four of us because Melanie had wanted something intimate for her birthday. After 5 bottles of champagne, the four of us were really tipsy and was basically having a great time.

Melanie had left her blusher in the toilet and had forgotten all about it. As I was returning the blusher back to her, she suddenly had tis crazy idea of putting makeup on my face, the whole shebang; falsies, lipstick, eye-shadow, blusher drag queen style.

And I said okay, what's the worst that could happen right? An hour later, the three of them were snapping away on their phones; subject, me. The very next day, I asked them to transfer a couple of those pictures to me and I kept it in my laptop for sheer amusement. And then I totally forgotten all about it.

Until one day when my mum's laptop broke down.

She borrowed my Macbook to watch some serial on YouTube and lo and behold, she saw those incriminating pictures. I'll spare you the mini meltdown both mother and son had, but she did asked me if I was a drag queen leading a double life and whether I had started taking female hormones yet, and if I did, I should stop.

I wanted to take rat's poison at that point of time.

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