Monday, August 19, 2013

Hari Raya For WAGs

Well, I suppose it's only right that I do a Hari Raya post, and that too on the 12th day.

I have been immensely busy with work and brainstorming ideas for videos with SGAG (which I hope you guys are enjoying thoroughly) and truth be told, nothing exciting has happened during Hari Raya worthy enough to warrant a blog post.

Between my mum fussing over what to wear on a weekly basis to pesky relatives asking me when I'm going to get married (cause I don't know, maybe they drive some kind of sick pleasure from asking the same goddamn question year after year) to me stuffing my face a record of six times in one short day, my Hari Raya have been fairly low key and free of drama (bawling my eyes out for forgiveness not included).

Oh I'm so sorry, how rude. Here's wishing all my Muslim readers a blessed Syawal and may this Hari Raya Aidilfitri bring you nothing but happiness and love with your loved ones.

Okay now that I've gotten that (genuine) formality out of the way, let's bring to you guys what you always come to this blog for: perverse sexuality.

This came from our dear Star, who along with Steve and Melanie has their first Raya housewarming experience at my Aunt's place yesterday afternoon. My aunt had invited them over to her house because she had remembered them fondly during that one time when they came to her son's wedding and (unanimously) complemented her on her striking figure even at the age of 55.

So the four of us were sitting at the balcony, just talking when Star suddenly said, "Oooh, who's that hottie?"

I looked in her direction and turns out, she was ogling at Zafar, my 18 year old cousin.

"Star, that is Zafar. You bought him and his baby brother a chocolate bar 3 years ago when you came to my house for my mum's birthday party?"

"Oh wow! He has grown up to be such a delicious looking boy!" Star squealed.

Melanie rolled her eyes and Steve just nodded indifferently as a form of response.

"He is only 18 Star for god's sake!" I angrily hushed at her, not wanting anybody (oh god forbid) to hear to our morally unbecoming conversation.

"18 is of a legal age, what are you talking about?" Star replied, not even once taking her eyes away from Zafar.

"I think he has a girlfriend Star. With a face like that, he is either gay or attached," Steve chuckled.

"Well one thing for sure I can definitely show him things that his 18 year old girlfriend can't," Star smiled cunningly.

"All right that's it, you're freaking me out with this newfound cougar-esque morality I'm going to have more pineapple tarts!" Melanie stood up and left.

"Don't ruin a kid's life. He is a budding national footballer if you must know!" I warned Star.

"Perfect! I can be a WAG, just like that. Oh wait, this is Singapore. Oh it's fine. I can be a low rent WAG, I can settle for that," Star smiled.

"A cheap ass cougar. How refreshing," I raised my eyebrows.

Steve chuckled.

"Fuck you! Don't rain on my parade bitch!" Star slapped Steve on his left arm. Hard.

"Football field. Don't rain your your football field," I laughed.

"Jealous assed bitches," Star rolled her eyes.

"Zafar, come say hello to my friends!" I called him.

He smiled and yes it was a damn perfect smile, and walked towards us.

"Remember my friends?" I asked him.

"Yes of course! Nice to meet you again Brother Steve and Kakak Star!" he smiled.

"KAKAK?! (elder sister)" Star shouted.

Steve and I rolled on the floor laughing.

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